Searching for Truth

Why Doubting Faith and Engaging in Culture is so Important to me.

BACK STORY:

I have been a Christian since March 15, 2007. Yes, I remember the exact date because that day single-handedly changed my life. But, there is another time in my life that I will never forget, spring semester of my Sophomore year at Lee University. You see, I had the opportunity of taking Introduction to Theology with Skip Jenkins. For the first half of the class, we spent time learning about how Christian denominations were developed. Skip liked to call it “From Jesus to Jenkins.”

Half-way through that class, I had a crisis of belief. I had had doubts before, but this was different. I was done. I was done with Christianity, done with the church, and I had ceased to believe that anything taught to me over the last seven years was real. This revelation broke my heart. Thus, I went to the source. Early before class, I talked to Skip, barely audible through my tears, and told him the conclusion that I had come to. I told him, that there was just no way any of this could be real. Especially, if so many people read the same book and believed so many different things.

Deep-down, I wanted him to assure me that everything was alright. I wanted him to give me some academic or spiritual reason for why I should not doubt. I wanted an answer that would immediately resolve the tensions that were starting to grow between my faith and my worldview. Tensions that were starting to grow between what I had been taught about spirituality and what I was learning about policy, behavior, and perspective. I not only wanted this magical answer, I needed it. My faith was fragmenting and it literally felt as if I was holding on by a thread. But he didn’t give me this answer.

In fact, I know to this day, what Skip gave me was more helpful than any, “Of course, God is real,” answer ever could have been. He told me to KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS. No, literally, my brilliant theology teacher simply told me to keep asking questions. He said, if I kept asking questions and at the end God was not real, fine. If I kept asking questions, and God was real, even better.

Y’all I was floored. I thought to myself that there was no way someone was telling me to embrace my doubt. No way that someone is telling me to use my brain to dig deeper and determine whether my faith was real. Because that would mean exploring the possibility of being wrong and that is just not acceptable. But he did and to this day I am grateful. Because after that conversation, I began reading more, looking outside the box, and taking more classes on faith, culture, and worldview. And you know what happened? My faith became deeper, I felt compelled to love harder, and I no longer could allow myself to stay silent.

THE POINT:

Why on earth am I telling you this? Not simply so that I can share a part of my testimony. (Though, that is always nice to do and if you ever want to have a conversation, I would love to share what God has done in my life). It is also not to give some amazing story about how doubt has been completely eradicated in my life. It hasn’t. Especially in the last year, I find myself wondering at times if my faith is real or quite honestly, if I want to be viewed as a part of the American “Christian church.” No, I am telling you this story because of all the discussion I have seen lately in my life on what to do when culture/entertainment is portraying something that seems contrary to a person’s doctrinal perspective.

Yes, this is another blog post about Beauty and the Beast/ The Shack, but if you have made it this far, hear me out. I want to address, why I believe it is important that we watch and discuss these things. For me, Christians have a unique opportunity to truly show the world the love and hope of Jesus. Even if that is simply by choosing to love over being right. So here are the two reasons why I want to encourage you to engage in these conversations:

1) Doctrine never circumvents a person’s reality.

Here is a big one. When people do not know the love and hope of Jesus or even when someone knows the love and hope of Jesus but is doubting, spewing doctrine does not fill the void. Love does. It takes action, loving action, to meet people where they are and push them to better understanding. Take for example my experience with doubt. My professor would have been well in his rights to give me the apologetic review on why Christianity is real and true. Believe me if anyone could be trusted to give me sound doctrine, it would have been Skip Jenkins. But he didn’t. Why? Because he knew that until my reality changed, there was nothing that words could do for me. I needed to find these things out for myself. I needed to hear truth for myself. But he also knew, that to encourage me to that position would require allowing me to fall on the opposite side of what he believed is true. He gave me an out and showed me love, ultimately leaving the decision up to me. Second-hand faith can only be sustained for so long.

2) Pushing ourselves outside of the box, helps us facilitate conversations and dialogue with people who may not believe like we do.

When we allow ourselves, to think and listen – while using our shield – before we take out our sword, we open the door for connections. I can’t tell you how many conversations I have had with non-Christians in the last few years that have been productive and engaging. I have walked away with a better understanding of their worldview and they have walked away with a better understanding of mine. I can only pray that this is a part of sowing seeds that the Holy Spirit will continue to water throughout that person’s experience. But that would have never happened if I was so scared of their perspective, so scared to be introduced to what they believe, that I completely closed myself off to them. To the contrary, God’s truth often becomes clearer when faced with contrary belief systems. I do not have to prove God’s truth, because if it is truth it should prove itself.

FINALLY:

Basically, what I am saying is this: Hold tight to your faith, but not so tight that you cut off the circulation to your critical-thinking skills. It is okay to explore different perspectives, to participate in the dialogue and give well-educated responses for why something does not comply with your beliefs. It is okay to have conversations with your children about why you believe what you believe and why that is true. However, it becomes dangerous when we dissect everything around us that does not come from a similar viewpoint. Because then the mentality of US vs. THEM increases and the mentality of love and empathy decreases.

Again, this is not an attack on any believer for any viewpoint. See Beauty and the Beast, or don’t. Read The Shack, or don’t. But also, recognize the opportunity culture provides for Christians to reach out in love. We can choose to dive deeper and love harder without our faith being wrapped in fear. Without fear, we can discuss homosexuality, we can discuss the trinity, and we can discuss doubt, while at the same time not excluding everyone who does not agree with us.